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And I'll Lose You Somewhere In The Dark [entries|friends|calendar]
</3 Mallory </3

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[03 Sep 2004|09:38am]
Okay so,
the dates on this journal are really fucked up.
So I'm changing journals.
So add me at _holdmyhips.

Saves the Day and Boys Night Out tonight with Wen.
5 | Just Shut Off The light

The Morning After It Really Sinks In [02 Sep 2004|08:36am]
I don't know what to say.
I don't know where to start.
Fuck man.
This scares the shit out of me.
I can't be like that again.

I dunno.
1 | Just Shut Off The light

[10 Jul 2004|12:25pm]

...It's The Happening Place!...Collapse )
3 | Just Shut Off The light

[28 Jun 2004|03:34pm]
My brother just told me the cat smells like burnt marshmallows?
My birthday is on Friday.
Summer school is a faggot.
I got a cell phone.
So I need your numbers.

I have a lot to say soon.
4 | Just Shut Off The light

Todd Means Fox [27 Jun 2004|08:34am]
[ mood | geeky ]

So yesterday was kitten hunting.
Walked all the way to Vanderbilt and Inglewood.
Just to drive to Carson.
Three kittens left.
Stole all three.
...youaresojealous...Collapse )

Besides that though,
school is out.
I was up at 6:30 today due to kitten attacking me everytime I moved.
Gotta return all my shit today at school.
Maybe beach after that?
I wish Shaun wasn't so busy today.
And tomorrow.
Oh well.
<333333's to my boy.


6 | Just Shut Off The light

[And.I'll.Lose.You.Somewhere.In.The.Dark] [26 Jun 2004|07:45am]
[ mood | amused ]

...Shortstop don't got shit on me...Collapse )

7 | Just Shut Off The light

I Could Stare At Him Allllll Day [23 Jun 2004|04:35pm]


Happy. Happy.

Gotta take my puppy to the vet soon.
16 | Just Shut Off The light

[20 Jun 2004|05:46pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Haha fucker. neenerneenerneener.

Just Shut Off The light

melt [20 Jun 2004|04:13pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]


Listen to this.<333

2 | Just Shut Off The light

[12 Jun 2004|07:45am]
Happy Birthday Shaun!!! The Big 2-0!!!
(old man status)<333333
2 | Just Shut Off The light

[31 May 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I just realized that i never talk about my day in my entries.

This weekend consisted of:

[.] Haircut with Ken
[.] Job applications with Shaun<3
[.] Fucking around at the park<3
[.] Sitting around bored as fuck on Saturday
[.] Attempting a tan
[.] Getting surprised by Shaun on Sunday<3
[.] Attempting a tan again
[.] Sunburned boobs
[.] Going undies shopping
[.] Eating vomit and sardine flavored jelly beans
[.] Random late night date with Shaun<3
[.] Kissing on the beach<3
[.] Washing flamer dog

And now I smell like dog.
I rule.

And I feel wiggly again today.

[PS] My pet may have died, however it still lived longer than Shaun's.

...who's the shitty parent now?...Collapse )

1 | Just Shut Off The light

[27 May 2004|10:51pm]

It's kind of like remembering your childhood. I've always been horrible with metaphors. But i remember when I was small. Playing hide and seek down my street. Water balloon fights. Eating vanilla icing in the middle of the night with Megan. Naivety. Hot sand at the beach. The days where the worst thing you'd have to worry about was a scraped knee. Everything was simple.

I have never seen simplicity as a positive thing. Unless you're ignorant to everything but simplicity. You have nothing to compare it to. If you've never had candy before, you still think fruit is the best thing that's ever happened. If you've never fell in love before, being alone makes you just as happy.

But once you taste that first piece of candy, everything's different.

Sometimes you'll get cavities and it hurts worse than anything you could possibly imagine. You know that if you never had that first piece of candy none of this would have happened. But at the same time, if you never took the chance and stuck that first piece in your mouth you wouldn't know how good it tastes. You can still remember how good fruit tasted, but you can't imagine giving up candy for fruit. That would be ridiculous. Understand?

Fuck boys. Fuck boys. Make sure you fuck them over before they fuck you. Be completely fake, don't let them know anything real about you. Disregard them completely and only let them in your life when you have time. This works perfectly when you've never been in love. You don't have a desire to care for anyone when you don't know how it feels to be cared in return. And sincerely. Surface happiness isn't the same. But once you take a chance, let them know a little... And they like it? And you like it. It makes sense to open up more. And they care. You know they care. And sincerely. And most importantly, you care back. The best feeling in the world is to know, not only believe, but know that you'd do anything for one person and they'd do anything for you. To know they'll be there whenever you need it, they'd drop anything for you. Which makes you want to do the same. Makes you want to let your gaurd down.

You can still remember the times where you'd laugh with your friends about how stupid love was. How pointless it was. You can still remember how ignorant you were. You can't judge anything if you've never felt it. But to a group of girls who think they're invincible, the rules don't seem to apply to them. Until you open yourself up and feel it for yourself. Kind of like one of those things you look back on when your 40 and laugh and say "Ahh, what was i thinking." When you finally realize what a child you were. And are.

I think my problem is i'm trying to grow up too fast and maybe I'm not ready for something like that. But thats what teenagers do. They strive to be adults.

I'm getting off-track.

The point is: When you let go of your fantasy world that you made out to be perfect and realize you're not the only one that's on this planet, not the only one who has feelings and you have the ability to alter those feelings, you wouldn't give anything to change it. It's a lot more work than you thought it was. A lot more cavities than you thought, but the candy tastes twice was good when it's real. And when you feel, sincerely. When you stop being fake.

I am afraid.

Of losing this feeling. For one, I don't think I'm ready to let go. And for two, i know I won't ever feel differently. Things aren't the way I made them in my head. Reality is ten times harder, but ten times better. Can't have the yin without the yang. Black without white, etc... I don't need anyone telling me how much this is different and how much I've changed, and how this is so unlike me, cause trust me, i know. Ignorance is bliss. But reality is better.

My feelings are sometimes indescribable. It's hard to explain a color if you've never seen that shade before.

I fell in love.
And he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
And I'm not about to let that change.

And that is how I feel.
3 | Just Shut Off The light

[23 Apr 2004|05:47pm]
and they're screaming. and she's walking. over hills and through gates. and here at the drug house. an early night. cereal in mugs. and blanketed couches. and here at the drug house. out. back to the most basic feelings. those easiest to learn, but hardest to practice. what a tease. and what a skeptic. and how typical. yeah, typical. rushing back to then. her legs at his sides. and she kissed him. slipping through space. and not worried in the least that she'll fall through. ...so the voice whispers [to him], 'i think she likes you.'Collapse )
2 | Just Shut Off The light

[04 Apr 2004|07:30am]
To seriously_angry.

Give it up.
You aren't fooling anyone.

This is an invasion of privacy.
13 | Just Shut Off The light

Comment To Be Added [15 Mar 2004|08:40am]
This journal is now friends only.

Because i can.
10 | Just Shut Off The light

[14 Mar 2004|05:33pm]
My mom just told me she's sorry i'm not happy here.
And I said okay.
And she said she can't change herself.
And i turned up my music.
3 | Just Shut Off The light

lame. [14 Mar 2004|03:29pm]
Just take it.
I'm shoving it in your face.
Just fucking take it.
Cause I'm fucking tired of these pointless relationships.
And I'm tired of using them.
And I just want one to call meh own.
One to invest my time with.
And I'm being careless.
So just take it.
And take care of it.
And love me.

And I'll do the same for you.
Just Shut Off The light

Okay. [14 Mar 2004|03:26pm]
I wish this person would stop being such a lame ass.
This weekend.
That's so unlike us.

I had a good time.
Just Shut Off The light

SHOWSHOWSHOW [12 Mar 2004|09:41pm]
Anatomy of a ghost
Thu 04.01.04 Anaheim, CA Chain Reaction w/ The Beautiful Mistake, Emery, The AKA's

Who's coming with?
4 | Just Shut Off The light

[12 Mar 2004|07:32am]
A piece of me died today
And as I watched me fade away
I knew this would be the worst day of my life
Today when I lost myself

Jailed sitting in the sun
And nothing goes on forever
For miles
Indecent exposures
For all the wrong reasons
From all the right people
So you tell me
But just shut off the light
So I can keep running

I had the most beautiful dream last night.
Just Shut Off The light

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